Jolly old Saint Nick.

 “And remember boys and girls, if you’re nice, you’ll get a special visit from Jolly Old Saint Nick and he’ll leave you tons of wonderful presents, but if you’re naughty, you get nothing but coal” 

I had always watched foreign TV shows or movies that featured Saint Nick or Santa, but the first memory I had of him was that phrase from the end of a children’s TV show, I was 5 at the time and I stared at the picture of Santa that had appeared on screen, a jolly fat man with rosy cheeks that climbed into people’s houses while they were asleep bearing gifts and who determined if you were naughty or nice.

These were things that I had seen only happen in foreign movies and definitely never in Nigeria, but I wanted Santa to visit me more than anything and then, ten years later, my family moved to Canada and it was Christmas eve and my dream to meet Santa was just a grasp away.

      My mother had always said, my dream was silly, that I was too young to understand,  but I was determined, I had to meet him, I just had to and the chance had finally come my way. I laid out cookies and milk like I had seen in the movies, my family had all gone to bed leaving me alone to enjoy my special moment, I watched a Christmas movie before retreating to bed, watching in wonder as Santa flew through the sky on his sleigh. I went up to my room and lay in bed giddy with excitement, “how I hope Santa would come tonight”, I thought out loud as I drifted to sleep


A thump on the roof woke me up and I sat up immediately, was this it? Could it really be Santa?, I listened again and heard movement from the living room, it was happening!, he really came! I snuck out ofbed and snatched my teddy bear bag from under it then silently opened the door, tiptoeing to the living room, I peeped from the doorway and there he stood, a big fat man with a white beard and rosy cheeks, just like in the movies, he put presents under the tree and walked to the milk and cookies I laid out and took a bite, his back to me. I almost could not believe my eyes, he had actually come! And at my first try.

I moved into the living room and he turned almost immediately, like he could sense my presence, he gave me a big smile and put a finger to his lips, signaling for me to be quiet, I moved closer to him and gave him my biggest smile before burying my knife into his belly, he screamed startled and stumbled back, I laughed and took out more knives from my teddy bag and went after him fast, stabbing and cutting, he started to scream as I launched at him, knocking him down and continuing to stab his face, neck chest, everywhere I could find, with the biggest smile on my face and Christmas songs played in the background, he finally stopped struggling and I stood up, my face and hands covered in his blood.

            Now to get him to the basement by myself, when I had picked Santa as my first token, I had not considered his weight. An idea suddenly formed and I went by the fire place and picked up the axe my brother used to chop wood and went to work, chopping him into bits and singing along to the Christmas songs, I would have to take care of the mess later. 

I put the bits into his red sack of presents and dragged it to the basement, my family already sat waiting at the table, my two older brothers and my parents, they all beamed at me looking proud of the work I had done. I gave the bag to one of my brothers as I walked behind my father to the mantel and putSanta’s head on a plaque, on the mantel were the heads of the Easter bunny and cupid. My older brothers had brought them in when they turned 18 as tokens to keep our ancient souls alive and in this world, but I had begged my parents for the chance, I knew I was ready.

My mother thought it was silly to pick Santa as my token because we had to cut many roads to travel, a lot of people had to die for me to get to where I needed to be for my catch, we were not supposed to move around like this, it made us weaker, but I was sure I would get him.

My brother shared out the chopped up parts of Santa on everyone’s plate as I wrote on the plaque with a feather and his blood “SAINT NICK” then hung it up next to the other tokens and went to join them at the table where they had already started feasting, I wonder who my next token might be?

Book reviews.

Book Review: Thinner by Stephen King writing as Richard Bachman.

Borrow free book here (

Author: Stephen King published under pseudonym Richard Bachman

Published By: New American Library

Year published: 14th November 1984

Genre / Tags: Thriller, Gore

Format Read: Ebook/Kindle


Thinner is one of the last books written by Richard Bachman and the last published prior to Bachman being outed as being Stephen King’s pesudonym. The story centers around an obese attorney who is cursed by a gypsy to rapidly loose weight, Billey Hallek finds himself growing “Thinner” after the accidental murder of an old gypsy woman and a cover up of the case.


I know a lot of people might be wondering why I’ve chosen such an old book to review, but I’m a die hard Stephen King novel fan, I’ve always enjoyed his book and his story style. I had once started the book Thinner before when I was much younger from my school library, but then it had been, honestly, too slow to follow. But I was thrilled to give it a try when I came across it in my Kindle store, I finished it in two days.

It’s a fairly long read and despite loving books, I’m a very slow reader, so I need to be really sucked into a book to read fast and Thinner was definitely a book like that.

The book was adapted into a movie on the 25th of October 1996, although I haven’t seen the movie on account of not being born yet, the ratings do not look good, I don’t know if they are being measured in todays movie standards or the ratings have always been this low, but it joins the list of several other of King’s work that have been adapted into screenplay.

NOTE: Spoilers!

Billy Hallek has hell to pay when his wife, Linda Hallek decides to give him his first hand job in a moving vehicle causing him to be distracted and leading to the accidental murder of the old gypsy woman and the not so accidental whitewash of the case.

Set in a town and time where the term “gypsy” was still used and people hated whoever wasn’t their own, it wasn’t a hard case to maneuver.

I found it very amusing how Bill blamed his wife for the accident and secretly spited her for not being punished like he was or like his accomplices were as well. He was always trying to make sense of why she had picked that night to try something new, that night to spice up their marriage life and why the gypsy had not cursed her too.

The fact that she did not even believe to an extent any of the things Bill told her about the gypsies curse upset me too and made me understand his resentment, how could plan to commit your own husband to a mental home in a case so confusing that the wackiest idea could very well be the only answer?

Without any doubt or question, her ability to turn on him so quick was understandably heart breaking but I still don’t feel she deserved to get his curse and I think choosing her to take his curse was a bit overkill for me.

Richard Ginellis’ dedication to helping Bill was actually really inspiring and I thought his death was very sad after all the work and help he had rendered, being the only one to believe bills gypsy curse story.

Overall rating: 8.5/10

I would have given it a higher rating but I found the ending leaving more to be said, the struggle and battle all to go down the drain like that was almost physically painful to see. But then again, isn’t that just classic King?

Stephen King

Glory to the new born King.

Ola rubbed her stomach as she examined the bell pepper carefully, she had made a pact to feed her growing child only the best and chemical free foods, she was 6 months along and had developed a tight bond with her unborn baby, after all, he was her little king.

Her husband’s mother was in charge of cooking that year and at the last minute on Christmas morning, she had insisted on making all her dishes straight from her farm and have her helpers work with her.

               Ola had seen how they worked, dirty and disorganized, snotty noses, dripping sweat, the thought of it alone nauseated her and now she had to make extra effort to shop for her own produce for her own meals on, Christmas day. She had hoped that after the pregnancy the old woman would warm up to her, but she was still curt, rude and stubborn, always refusing everyone’s way but her own. 

At least she would have the satisfaction of pretending not to see her mother-in-law eyeball her while her husband made her food. Peter was a good man, he had always been extra good to her and treated her well, when he had asked her to marry him, she was overjoyed.

He had been married once before, she had died during child birth, his mother loved her and was probably the reason she was hell bent to make things difficult for poor her(Ola), he had not been open to love for a long time, but he said he knew she would be different, because she was special and finally she got to have him all to herself.

               “That must be a really interesting pepper” she felt the warm hands of her husband on her belly as he hugged her from behind drawing her out of her thoughts, she hadn’t even realized she had been standing there so long, she chuckled as she put the pepper in the basket he held, “I’ve gotten everything else on your list, so we can leave now”, he led the way to the counter. It had shocked her that any shop was open on Christmas day, but Peter knew a place, the store was a small shop with too bright lights and too much items in the small space, but they had all she needed so she was grateful. 

There was an old man behind the counter, short and shriveled and he stared at her belly as he started to bag their items, then he smiled and said “this one is free because it is Christmas day and Peter is such a good customer” Peter smiled as he took the bag and thanked the man, but Ola could not help but feel uncomfortable by the man’s strange behavior, she shook off the feeling, it was the season of giving and the old man was probably just nice, but Peter had never mentioned the shop before. As they walked to the door, the old man called after them “Merry Christmas” and a shiver went down her spine, she got into the car with him and tried to relax.

The car stopped in front of a shanty shack by the road on their way home “what are we doing here?” she asked looking outside at the shack as Peter took out the car keys “I need to pick something up, I’ll be quick” he got out of the car before she could respond and jogged into the shack, she was staring to get car sick and just wanted to go home. “you look tired” she jumped a little at the voice, a tall slim man stood by the shack, “I’ve got this special oil for you that will relax you, just a few drops massaged into your feet and you will feel the effects immediately” he approached the car with a small box and a bottle of some dark oil in his hand.

“He was probably one of those miracle medicine sellers” she thought to herself, “expecting mothers shouldn’t be stressed at all, just try one bottle”.

                  Just then, Peter came out of the shack holding a bag, with another man, this one fat and tall, they shook hands and Peter walked to the driver’s side, ignoring the strange man, his face serious in a new concentration she had never seen, “No thank you, I’m not interested” she said, barely paying attention to the man now, but to Peter who was now on his phone, “how about this? Since it’s Christmas, I will give you this bottle free, my number is on the bottle so you can call when you need more” now Ola could feel something was off, she didn’t know what exactly, but she just couldn’t shake the feeling “no, thank you” she replied tightly, but the man was still standing there oil in hand, smile on face and Peter reached out and took the oil “thank you” he said quickly and drove off, she was livid. 

She looked at the man again from the mirror and he was waving at them and yelled “Merry Christmas!” and the chill came back again, she turned to Peter fuming “you don’t even know that man, why would you do that” he smiled, his eyes warm again “you don’t need to use it Ola, the man was being nice” she was going to protest when he gave her the bag, she stared at it and then at him “it’s a present for you” she couldn’t help her smile.

She opened the bag and in it sat a white lacy maternity sundress, it was beautiful “that man from the shack is a tailor, he does amazing work” he said to her happy she liked the gift. She looked back in the bag and saw a small card with something written on it, it read “Merry Christmas!” this time there was no chill, but she felt her car sickness come back and decided to rest her head a bit and she drifted into sleep.


                  A sharp pain in her stomach woke her up and she screamed as the pain became worse, she was in a dark room on a floor being held by strange people in dark cloaks and terrifying animal masks that hid their face, all chanting abnormal words to her as she screamed again louder now, trying to break free, but her struggling was cut short by more sharp pains from her stomach, the pain excruciating now. The people pulled her up and put her on her knees as she kept wailing in pain, she looked up and saw three men in dark cloaks as well, but no masks, just hoods that hid their face in the dark room.

                  She couldn’t stop screaming from the pain, then the man in the middle screamed “it is time!” and the people laughed and cheered, then a huge fire was lit and the men took off their hoods. Her heart stopped, it was the man from the store, the shack and the oil seller, what was happening? Where was Peter?, her thoughts were cut short by a great burst of pain from her stomach to her throat, nothing she had felt before.

Out of the shadows, Peter appeared, holding an old cloth with the produce they had bought in the store in it and the oil, he poured the oil on her feet and stood in front of her, cloth open “it will all be over soon” he said to her with a big smile on his face. A bell was rang somewhere and they all started to chant “Glory to the new born king!” each chant louder than the first and Ola started to choke, they held her arms tighter, she screamed and coughed and hacked, her eyes blood red and veins popping as the chanting grew louder, she could feel her throat ripping as she vomited into the cloth.

The chanting stopped immediately and it was silent, her lifeless body with the mouth and throat torn open dumped to the side as blood stained the white dress. They all watched as Peter carried the cloth and dropped it open in the center of the room, a creature covered in blood with three horns, four arms and hoofs for legs sat there covered in scales eating the peppers and other produce they had bought, the three men smiled and one said “our king has come” the people immediately broke out in triumphant screams “Glory to the new born King!”


Soul Eater.

Everyone had always talked about how stuck up she was, how difficult to talk to and always walked with her nose in the sky, but I didn’t see her that way. She was perfection to me, a true gift and light in my life, although she didn’t know I existed but that was about to change. Every guy she had ever dated ended up either deathly ill or dead, so she earned herself the nickname, Soul Eater, but I still loved her so much, like I said she was the light of my life.

                    I’d put in the final payment for my Benz, I had had to cut through many tough corners to get the car, but it was going to be worth it, all for my precious soul eater. I wore my best clothes, got a fresh cut, used my expensive perfume and drove to her hostel, it was finally time for me to get my girl. She was sitting in front of her hostel, earphones in, I drove and parked directly in front of her, lights blaring just so she’d notice me, she looked up, twinkle in her eye, checking out my car, my heart was bursting with joy, finally, I would get her.


I got out of my car feeling the eyes on me, my soul eater couldn’t get her eyes off me, I walked to her took of my sunglasses and said “Hello, I’m Kola and you are?” she laughed blushing and finally taking her eyes off me, she looked back and said………, I can’t quite remember her name now, no matter how hard I try, how can I forget the name of the only woman I’ve ever loved?, but anyway, I took her hand and led her to my car and so it began.

                   I’d dated soul eater for 2 years now, a record for the longest any man had been with her unscathed, what can I say?, I really loved her, she was one of a kind and she was finally mine.

                   My classes had ended earlier than usual so I decided to go back home to my soul eater, she’d been living with me for a year then and I couldn’t have been happier if I tried. I drove into the compound, it was a mansion, silent button automated gates so there was no need for a security man, I pressed a button in my car and drove into my magnificent castle, a lot of blood and sweat went into getting that mansion at my age. I got down and walked in, so excited to see my soul eater, only for me to walk into her in the arms of another man, why?, haven’t I given her all I can?, haven’t I shown enough love?, was I not enough for her?, I grew more furious with each question my subconscious raised. She was begging, on her knees, the man had run past me but I didn’t care, my soul eater had betrayed me, her one true love.

                    After all I’d done for her, after all the men I had to kill to keep them away from her, the souls I had to eat and the flesh and blood I put into the ritual for all the money. I’d always had her back, making sure no man came close to her and didn’t pay for it, perhaps everyone had tagged the wrong person soul eater the entire time, I mean I was the one slaughtering those men and devouring their slimy souls but they all pegged her soul eater.

                   I stared at her kneeling before me, crying and begging, professing her love to me. It was a shame and I thought this one was different, I thought this one really loved me, but humans are all the same, no matter what form I took, male or female, the partner always disappoints in the end and then I’ll be left alone again to clean up my mess and start over somewhere new. I walked to the huge doors and tapped on an electronic pad on the side locking down my house, she looked confused now, getting up and walking to me, I closed my eyes and did what I had to do because once again, humans have failed me. I held her throat in my hand squeezing and enjoying her coughing and gagging and then I stared her in the eyes one last time, she was my most beautiful human yet, I really would have wanted this one to bring forth my spawn and takeover the human race, but we all know the answer to that now, ‘Humans have failed me’

                            I pushed her head back and opened her mouthwide, now it was time to see if she was as beautiful on theinside, my second mouth retracted and I sucked in her soul, it was buttery and bitter at the same time and it showed that my soul eater had never been the one for me all along. I kept on devouring her soul as her body deflated like a balloon and shriveled up, I lay the empty shell down and sat beside my deflated soul eater mourning what would have been.

I sighed and stood up and shook off my old skin, leaving the persona of Kola rom Lagos and taking up a new one, a female this time, one with hair like gold and skin like milk and a persona I’d not yet decided on, I walked to the door unlocking the house, a new born woman with only one goal left, to populate humanity with my spawn. I walked outside and stood a moment to consider, “where to next?”


Paging Doctor Oscar.

  “Paging Doctor Oscar, Doctor Oscar please report to the emergency ward” I looked up at the overhead speaker in the restroom as I sat on the closed toilet seat trying to steady my shaking palms and calm my heartbeat, this was a disaster, what have I done? How am I going to get out of this?

        I stared at my phone screen again, reading the text from the unknown number “I know your secret Doctor and it’s up to you to come clean or I will, you have until 12 noon” the digital time on the screen said it was 11:10am, I wiped the sweat furrowing on my brows after one dropped on the screen, what was I supposed to do now? Why now? Why after so many years of successfully avoiding this exact scenario? How could anyone possibly know?

         My thoughts were interrupted when the speaker went off again “paging Doctor Oscar, Doctor Oscar you are needed urgently in the emergency ward” I sighed heavily, trying to remain calm, why would they call me in for surgery? Where did the other doctors go? Was this part of the mysterious texters plan? I could not go to that ward, I would not go to that ward, not after avoiding such situations for 10 years of practice as a surgeon. My phone vibrated sending my heart plunging into my rib, I stared at the caller ID, it was Nurse Stella, they were looking for me, this was the 25th call I had gotten from the medical staff, but how could I possibly answer when I knew exactly what they wanted?

         The vibrating soon stopped and I sighed again wiping a tear that hadn’t dropped yet, this message spelled trouble for me, even if I came clean, I could still get into some serious trouble, after 10 years of practice? Why now? How did they find out? What was I going to do? Well it was not like I had a vast array of options, it was either come clean or be exposed, either way I was finished. What would Janice say? What would the twins think? They were only 8 years old but they would understand clearly what I had done and Janice, we had been married for 15 years and things were going great, this would ruin all that, this would ruin my life.

          The restroom door flung open “Doctor Oscar are you in here?, Doc?” it was the surgical attendee Phillip, he was a 25 year old straight out of med school and he looked up to me, what would he think of me when he found out?, he walked forward and knocked on my stall door “Doc?, we need you in the emergency ward” I took a soft sigh and stood up opening the stall, I pretended I’d fallen asleep, we had long hours and it had happened before, so it was believable. We walked side by side to the emergency ward and once we got in I could see the relief in everyone’s eyes.

            I cleaned myself up and prepped for surgery, it was a man in his 50thies with an abnormal growth in his lower intestinal canal and I was expected to take it out, I stood there with the scalpel in my hand shivering.

How was I going to tell them I wasn’t really a doctor?


The Light

            We watched our body get ready, it was going to see a new man again, this was the third one this week, the 25th one this month and if we were calculating the time properly, it was barely the middle of the month. They kept disappointing it, time after time, man after man, It’d go on countless dates, dragging us with it, dates we could tell would fail the second we smelt him, we always knew, we could smell the lies, the deceit, the lust, everything, it was a thick fog above their heads, but it liked to act like it couldn’t smell it, we still didn’t quite understand why.

We were sitting in the restaurant now, it was cheap and old, three other couples sat around, the air reeked of desperation, lust and oddly enough, sweat, someone didn’t have enough to foot the bill and we could smell it. Our body chuckled, itrecognized the smell, so why didn’t it smell its men?

The man was 15 minutes late, we didn’t like that, we are very punctual beings, always right on time, but our body stood up and hugged him as soon as he got to our table, we were outraged. Our body laughed, smiled, complimenting and swooning, mentioning our cooking skills every chance it got. It angered us, how much it wanted him to like it, how desperate for love it was, when did our body become like this? When did itstart to hunger so much for male approval? It didn’t make sense to us, we were so much better than this.

“You’ve got a light in you, you’re so cheery and happy, it’s adorable” he said, his mouth orbs glowing at us, teeth, they were called teeth, our body blushed, excited at the stupid comment, of course it did, that’s what made it special, the light inside and then we smelt it, it was faint and sweet, like a summer breeze or fresh cut grass, why was he smelling like that?, what was that smell?


Our body closed the apartment door, back pressed against it, tears falling down its cheeks. How stupid, crying over rejection, the man had told it he had someone serious, that he liked he it and didn’t want to hurt it, it was all funny, humanity was funny, and how can you claim to not want to inflict pain while doing so? We were still young, we had so much to learnfrom them, like the smell, which was affection, he had liked our body like he said, it wasn’t a lie that time, but why did he also hurt it?

        “I’ve had enough!” our body screamed and charged into the kitchen and picked up the knife, putting the sharp end on itswrist, it was going to kill us! It can’t do that! Can it?

           It took a shaky breath, pressing the knife into her wrist, it was actually going to kill us, we had no choice, we had to act fast, it was a shame really, we’d grown fond of our body, but we had to survive, who was going to handle all the men that disappointed her?, so we let the light shine.

It was so bright, the kitchen was glowing, she dropped the knife, hands shaking, standing frozen, staring at the light that bounced off the walls, so bright that her eyes started tearing up, she laughed mesmerized by the light as we tore through,scratching, pulling and tearing, she fell to her knees, her screamsdeafening, the light was too bright for her, her eyes melted like runny eggs and we finally broke through, pulling apart her belly and dragging ourselves out, she was no longer our body, we laidthere on the cold floor, half of us still in her belly.

We pulled ourselves out completely and crawled on our belly to the mirror in her room, abandoning the gruesome pile of entrails and runny eyes that was once our body, it was pitch dark in the room, we looked at ourselves in the mirror, still on our belly, then we stood, using her stool as support, we looked thinner than she was, we weren’t fully grown, our light burned through our eyes, making them glow, the only light in the room, we adjusted our head, hers wasn’t upside down and we straightened our legs, hers weren’t bent backward, we retracted our extra hands and claws, Now we were perfect, we were our own and she was finally happy now, in peace and nothingness, our mother was probably rewarding her for carrying us all those years.

Now we had to do right by her, we wore her clothes and carried her scent, in every physical form, we were her, but we were here only to feed on the flesh and souls of those who we pleased, but we would avenge her, for the light lays dead all darkness.


The Journey Begins

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton